How to Kill Privacy and Call It Child Protection: The UK’s Online Safety Act

It’s always the same story: someone in a suit stands in front of a camera, stares earnestly into the lens, and says, “We’re doing this for the children.” And just like that, another brick gets laid in the wall of the digital prison we’re all slowly waking up in. This time, the wall is called the UK’s Online Safety Act. And let me tell you, it’s not a wall — it’s a fortress. A very well-surveilled, ID-checking, VPN-hating, algorithmically-policed fortress with a warm pastel sign that says “Welcome to Your Safer Internet Experience.”

Now, before you breathe a sigh of relief and think, “Whew, at least I’m not in the UK,” let me stop you right there. Because if you think this techno-totalitarian fairytale won’t make its way to your doorstep soon, I have a 56-page government consultation doc with your name on it. Australia’s already sipping the Kool-Aid. The US is sniffing around the same ideas. Norway’s eyeing it. This isn’t just Britain being Britain. This is the test run for digital control dressed up as digital parenting.

Let’s start with the basics. The UK’s Online Safety Act is marketed like a digital babysitter — protecting kids from online harms, preventing predators, limiting screen time, and ensuring that tiny thumbs don’t scroll too far into the digital abyss. It all sounds quite noble until you realize what it actually requires: age verification on nearly every major online platform, from Discord to Reddit to Spotify. And not just “click here to confirm you’re over 18” — we’re talking about uploading your passport, driver’s license, or facial scans to third-party companies.

Yes, that’s right. You now have to prove to the government — and to random verification vendors — that you’re old enough to read a Wikipedia article or listen to a podcast. Because that’s how we save the children, apparently: by putting your most sensitive personal documents into the hands of companies that, if history is any indication, will absolutely get hacked. And when they do? Well, you gave them your data voluntarily. So it must be your fault.

If you’re thinking, “Well, I’ll just use a VPN,” oh dear, that’s adorable. Because according to the folks behind this Orwellian circus, using a VPN to get around age verification makes you suspicious. Possibly even dangerous. Promoting VPNs? That could now attract fines. The man leading the charge on this — a man who, by his own admission, has the reading age of an 8-year-old and no background in tech — has publicly said that using VPNs to avoid age verification is putting you “on the side of predators.” Yes, you read that right. The government that wants to scan your face to read Wikipedia also thinks that privacy equals criminal intent.

And just to sweeten the absurdity, they’re considering screen time limits and curfews for apps like TikTok and Snapchat. That’s right: bedtime stories brought to you by the Ministry of Algorithms. How exactly will they enforce this? Nobody knows. Not even the policymakers. Probably the same way they enforce other digital absurdities: badly, inconsistently, and with absolutely no respect for encryption or cybersecurity.

Of course, people are rebelling. VPN signups in the UK have skyrocketed by thousands of percent. People are using photo modes in games like Death Stranding to bypass Discord’s facial verification. Activists are generating fake IDs of UK politicians to mock the whole system. Wikipedia is going to court. Over 470,000 Brits have signed a petition to repeal the law. But the UK government is doubling down, even as the implementation collapses under the weight of its own ridiculousness.

And what happens when the data breaches inevitably roll in? When a poorly secured verification site leaks hundreds of thousands of passports and selfies? Who takes the blame then? Certainly not the bureaucrats who dreamed up this mess.

Here’s the part that should keep everyone up at night: this law is already being used to censor content. Posts about immigration, political protests, and even parliamentary debates are being restricted on platforms like X (formerly Twitter) and Reddit for users who haven’t verified their age. Yes, MPs’ speeches are now being flagged as potentially harmful content.

And don’t worry, it’s not just the kids they’re watching. The UK has created special police units to monitor social media for anti-migrant sentiment, and intelligence services are flagging online dissent. But again — it’s all for the children. Naturally.

This is where the mask slips. This is where it becomes clear that the Online Safety Act was never just about protecting kids. It’s about controlling the flow of information. It’s about monitoring dissent. It’s about reminding everyone who really owns the internet. And if you think this is going to stay in the UK, you’re living in a fantasy world.

If you live outside the UK, do not treat this like some faraway authoritarian experiment. It’s not. It’s a template. Your country is next. The same justification — ”think of the children” — has been used again and again to expand surveillance, censor speech, and crush privacy. They just needed one government to go first. Britain volunteered.

So what can you do? First, stop pretending that tech companies will protect you. If they’re not being strong-armed into compliance, they’re quietly rolling over to avoid fines. You have to protect yourself.

Use Proton everything:

• ProtonMail

• ProtonVPN

• Proton Drive

• Proton Pass

• Proton Calendar

Their infrastructure is based in Switzerland, where governments can’t just demand your data with a threatening letter. (Okay, I have to be honest, Switzerland is also changing things, so Proton is looking to eventually go elsewhere, but they are keeping their integrity, hence their movements.)

Alternatively, use Mullvad VPN — they don’t even require an email to sign up. It’s privacy done properly. If you’re serious about avoiding surveillance, Mullvad is one of the most trustworthy names in the game.

Move away from corporate operating systems. Linux offers you control. If you’re on Android, GrapheneOS is your best bet for regaining your digital freedom. It’s built for privacy and security, not ad revenue and compliance.

And finally, get a password manager that isn’t tied to Apple or Google. Proton Pass is a solid choice, but you can use Bitwarden. It is open-source and end-to-end encrypted. It’s trusted by privacy advocates and security professionals alike.

This isn’t just about technology. It’s about defending your right to exist privately in a world that increasingly insists on scanning your face, cataloging your speech, and labeling you suspicious for trying to disappear.

Don’t wait until your government copies the UK’s playbook. Start taking your privacy seriously now — before “just prove your age” becomes “just hand over your thoughts.”